Tantric Sex: A Unique Guide to Love and Sexual Fulfilment

Richardson is dynamically unembarrassed about sex, as well as learned in healthy ways of using it to open our hearts and enhance awareness. She describes the ascending and descending phases of sexual energy; the spiritual path emphasizes the former, while the biological emphasizes the latter.

Tantra refers to this step (of re-directing sexual energy through relaxation instead of tension) as placing a foot on the first step of the ladder of growth." Richardson claims that our tendency of "goal orientation," making sex into another item on our already-full To Do list, results in haste, which "effectively and seriously" represses our sexual energy.

She is out to rectify the situation, first by reclaiming our sexuality before we can use tantra to transform it. 'We only know how to 'do' in love, and not how to 'be' in love. "

DIANA RICHARDSON was born in South Africa where she completed her education with a degree in Law. In the U.K. she trained as a practitioner of Therapeutic Massage and has been a teacher of Holistic Massage for twenty years. Living for many years in India as a disciple of the spiritual Master Osho, she undertook a life-changing enquiry into the union of sex and meditation and presented a unique Tantric Synthesis to the Osho Tantra School in India. Since 1993 she has devoted herself to sex education for adults, sharing her insights in a direct, practical and refreshing way, inspiring couples in the art of loving.

THE FIRST TIME I MADE LOVE, I recall being overwhelmed with disappointment, especially since I, had waited for love and made it a special occasion. I asked myself, "Is this what all the fuss was about? Surely there must be more to it?"

Ever since that first sexual experience, even though I managed to develop what others might call a healthy sex life, I always had an underlying sense that there must be more to sex-especially since there was such a taboo around it, so many rules and regulations concerning sexual behavior. I always found sex to be enjoyable, but somehow I was never deeply touched. Neither was I as absorbed or as involved as I had imagined I would be.

When I realized that I had made love repeatedly, but still had no real understanding of how sexual energy functioned, I decided to begin a sincere exploration into the mysterious matter of sex. What motivated me in my exploration, and kept me going when I felt discouraged, was that here and there in my life were scattered moments of love that were glaringly different from the rest. When they occurred, time seemed to stop, become elastic, and the air, the space around me opened up to reveal a new dimension of sensual perception. It was as if I was suddenly truly alive and an inner body intelligence took over. I hadn't a clue how and why this happened but it gave me hope that there was something fundamental about sex that I had still to discover.

Today, I know I am not alone. In my extensive work with couples over the years, I have encountered many people facing the same disappointments and asking themselves the same questions. Just like I was, they feel trapped in a cycle which is repeated every time they make love, and rarely involves anything creative or new. Disinterest and boredom eventually creep in. Some will try sexy clothes and videos while many others change partners often to keep sex interesting and exciting. Even so, this seldom satisfies in the long term. While a couple may continue to love each other, the sexual attraction often dies and they stop expressing their love- for each other in a physical way. Sooner or later they might even find themselves deciding to separate. And yet for us all the search for this expression of love goes on, generated by a deep longing that seldom goes away.

After researching intensively for many years I discovered that it was the experience of Tantra, that of relaxing into the sex energy rather than putting pressure on it, which gave me what I had longed for intuitively throughout my life. It was like finding a series of keys, which opened door upon door. It was a process of uncovering age-old secrets about sexual energy that touched my spirit, bringing me to an unexpected inner peace. There was a completely new language to learn which slowly became essential to an uplifting experience of sex and love. This language introduced me to a new and different world where the sexual rut disappeared and creativity flourished.

I found that many of my ideas about sex were hindering my journey and that to acquire this new language I first had to unlearn the old one. It took me many months to wade through the misunderstandings society had given me, to finally find a relaxed place away from the pressure of orgasm, which I had believed was what sex was all about.

How to keep love fresh and new is the real challenge for lovers today. Indeed, how can we increase this love and make it grow? In its unique and intelligent approach to sex, Tantra offers answers that have the effect of enhancing intimacy and deepening love. Tantra, which removes many tensions from sex by suggesting we relax, surprisingly offers us increased joy and fulfillment. This is what so many of us long for in the deepest parts of ourselves, but we simply don't know how to create it in reality.

I have a friend who was in a dilemma. In love with two women, he was utterly confused, in distress and agony over which one to choose. He went to a therapist, who asked him, "Who do you enjoy making love with more?" "Cathy," he said. "Then go with Cathy," was her advice. When my friend first told me this story, I was in the doldrums of a long relationship where sex had lost its joy and spark, and I didn't understand his therapist's answer. Now I do. I have learned that whenever sex is fulfilling, the chances of love and a joyful life together are greater. Sexual rapport creates possibilities for intimacy and honesty, and a bonding, loving union. Conversely, where there is dissatisfaction in sex, the seeds of discontent are sown,. resentments, frustrations, and fears easily arise, and slowly the love and rapport between partners can break down, ultimately leading to separation.

Our collective lack of knowledge is so acute tlit it seems like a normal state of affairs for young people to be struggling in ignorance, trying to harness sexual energy, the natural force of life. We pay so dearly for unfortunate sexual experiences. or uneducated guesses early on in life, carrying them as swirling, dim, unresolved memories that affect us day by day. Sex, love, and intimacy can become a nightmare, ruled by insecurity and lack of trust. Tantra is an ancient art and an antidote, a re-education in sex, and an education that our parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents never had. Over time, experimenting with Tantra has shown me a new style of lovemaking that has made not only my sex life far more fulfilling, but also my experience of love, and thus life itself has become more significant. Before, I felt I was swimming in shallow waters, unsure of my role in this life, of what to do and how to be. Together with my lover, as we embraced the Tantric teachings, penetrating the deeper waters of sex and the heightened love that arose through it, my life took on a new vision, arid I felt as if I was arriving home. Today I can see that the roots of true contentment lie not on the outside of me, but rather within me, and sex has become a vehicle for me to contact my core, my inner world, my silent self. It has given me much more depth and substance than my ambitions and achievements ever could.

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